Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
