I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
