anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
