i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize