i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
