If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
