How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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