He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
