I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
