I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
