You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
