I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Girls should come with a carfax report
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
