OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
