Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
