I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
