Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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