What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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