You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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