i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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