She is in my trunk
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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