we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
