10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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