This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
