Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(772): View more from Florida

Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend

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(480): View more from Arizona

I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..

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(269): View more from Michigan

i think the cat found all the blow we lost...

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(407): View more from Florida

i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem

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(515): View more from Iowa

She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.

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(937): View more from Ohio

how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?

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(614): View more from Ohio

All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave

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(216): View more from Ohio

Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.

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(720): View more from Colorado

you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.

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