She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
