Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
