4 words: hood of his car
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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