When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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