I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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