I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
