Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
