Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
