Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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