I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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