I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
