we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize