none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He shit in the fireplace
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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