I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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