i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
