just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
