A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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