tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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