I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
