He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
