We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
