i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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