Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
