My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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