I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
