trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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