you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Panties = found
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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