This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
