That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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