the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
