Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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