Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
