Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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