She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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