fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
