I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
