he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
