Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
