girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
