take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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