How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
