haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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