Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
