So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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