Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
