Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The adults are the big ones right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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