Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
