The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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