Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
