what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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