Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
