I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
