we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
