Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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