she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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