this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dicks are not precious.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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