so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
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He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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