Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
