; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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